Being a fool in Kenya is intentional.
Wisdom is everywhere.
Kenyans just have to let you know what they think be it in word or writing.
So the other day I was having a really rough morning and I board a matatu and there is a sticker there, I couldn’t miss it,
“Mizigo unalipia, kutapika unalipia, kushuta ni bure”

A smile was forming but I was trying to suppress it.

I decide to look around and I see another one,
“Usiseme gari haina watu, kwani wale wako ndani ni ng’ombe?”

There was another one,

“Hakuna stage ya Kumi!”
“Hakuna stage inaitwa apo dere!”

These words are red printed on a white paper, they are designed to be impossible to miss.
“Mzee kuoa msichana ni kama kupanda miwa kando ya shule”

That got me thinking, it was amazing how one could compress such a heavy message into a few words, these people understood the saying brevity is the soul of wit.

Needless to say, I left the “matatu” feeling a little lighter. This was just in time to see a trailer with the message,
“Katika msafara wa mamba hapakosi burukenge”
I left the house grumpy old Emh but by the time I got to town, my day had already been made.
Dear Kenyans, wisdom is all around us. It would be right to say anytime you board a “matatu”be open to a lesson or two.

• 

MCHOGWANO.
Growing up, we had our own version of YO’ MAMA.
For those who did not spend much time outside, MCHONGOANO was a dissing contest kids would participate in.
It usually began with working up the crowd,

“WASEE WASEE” and the crowd would say “EHHH!”

One would repeat this a few times and then deliver the punchline,

“Unacheki umsee, babake amenona mpaka anatuck-in shati na

hanger!!”
The crowds’ reaction to the joke would determine the winner.
Once he was done, it was his opponent’s turn to deliver a diss.

“WASEE WASEE”

” EHH!!”
“Unacheki umsee shosho yake amezeeka mpaka akioga anakua matope!!”

MCHONGOANO sessions could get a bit heated and would sometimes end up in a fight, be that as it may, we lived for such moments.
MCHONGOANO wasn’t planned, that was the beauty of it.
There was no time to rehearse or make up things, it was a spur of the moment thing.
We could be playing soccer and a fixer would say something to get the people going.
A fixer was that kid who would decide who would face off with who.
He had to remember things that were said long ago because his main job as a fixer was to bring them up.

“Tukiwa class 6, Njoro alisema sistako si msupuu”
WASEE WASEE!! EHH!
Unacheki Umsee, Umsee ni mjinga mpaka anafail bloodtest”

“WASEE WASEE!!”

“EHH!”
“Shosho yako ni mjinga mpaka anaenda kwa dentist kupewa bluetooth!!”

Soccer would stop and everyone would gather round for the laugh session and most probably the fight that would follow.

“WASEE WASEE!!”

” EHH!”
“Mamako ni mnono mpaka akikanyanga ten bob inakua kobole mbili
WASEE WASEE EHH!!
Mamako ni mrefu mpaka akikaa chini bei zinashuka!”

And just like that we transitioned from soccer to comedy to a fight!
I was a bit lucky I never faced off with anyone, it was largely a boys sport, and the pay off was worth it, to be crowned KING of MCHONGOANO was a big deal to the boys.

There’s no shame in saying I miss some of those days. I wish we would meet as friends and have a go at each other instead of talking about our boring five year plans.
That day might never come but in case it does, I have been rehearsing and I have every intention of being crowned QUEEN of MCHONGOANO.

My friend has a motorcycle, a very old motorcycle.
He must be the fifth owner of the red Yamaha AG 100.
He tells me AG stands for Agriculture.
Recently, he gave me an illustration on value that I would want to share.
Straight out of the dealership, the bike was about 450,000 Ksh, but now in its current state, the bike would not fetch more than 50,000 Ksh.
450,000 Ksh was the initial value, but 50,000 Ksh is the current value.
After those facts came the lesson on friendship.
Do we at times esteem people in our lives based on their Initial value and the current value?
Are there people in our lives who expected to be treated based on their initial value and not their current value?
Are we still holding on to certain people in our lives even though their current value has depreciated?
One of the many secrets to happy relationships is apportioning the right value to the people in our lives.
There are people who meant a lot to us years passed, and at times its good for those people to remain in the past.
There are people who mean a lot to us today, let’s commit ourselves to these people.
It was a simple lesson but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I opened up my phone book and scrolled the names and I realized there are a lot of old motorcycles in there whose value has depreciated over time.
I saw names of people I had not communicated with for months and I wondered why their names were still in my phone. The illustration hit home hard, I was apportioning value to their names based on what they were or what they meant initially.

Do you want happy relationships? Spare a few moments and think about Value.