MCHONGOANO

MCHOGWANO.
Growing up, we had our own version of YO’ MAMA.
For those who did not spend much time outside, MCHONGOANO was a dissing contest kids would participate in.
It usually began with working up the crowd,

“WASEE WASEE” and the crowd would say “EHHH!”

One would repeat this a few times and then deliver the punchline,

“Unacheki umsee, babake amenona mpaka anatuck-in shati na

hanger!!”
The crowds’ reaction to the joke would determine the winner.
Once he was done, it was his opponent’s turn to deliver a diss.

“WASEE WASEE”

” EHH!!”
“Unacheki umsee shosho yake amezeeka mpaka akioga anakua matope!!”

MCHONGOANO sessions could get a bit heated and would sometimes end up in a fight, be that as it may, we lived for such moments.
MCHONGOANO wasn’t planned, that was the beauty of it.
There was no time to rehearse or make up things, it was a spur of the moment thing.
We could be playing soccer and a fixer would say something to get the people going.
A fixer was that kid who would decide who would face off with who.
He had to remember things that were said long ago because his main job as a fixer was to bring them up.

“Tukiwa class 6, Njoro alisema sistako si msupuu”
WASEE WASEE!! EHH!
Unacheki Umsee, Umsee ni mjinga mpaka anafail bloodtest”

“WASEE WASEE!!”

“EHH!”
“Shosho yako ni mjinga mpaka anaenda kwa dentist kupewa bluetooth!!”

Soccer would stop and everyone would gather round for the laugh session and most probably the fight that would follow.

“WASEE WASEE!!”

” EHH!”
“Mamako ni mnono mpaka akikanyanga ten bob inakua kobole mbili
WASEE WASEE EHH!!
Mamako ni mrefu mpaka akikaa chini bei zinashuka!”

And just like that we transitioned from soccer to comedy to a fight!
I was a bit lucky I never faced off with anyone, it was largely a boys sport, and the pay off was worth it, to be crowned KING of MCHONGOANO was a big deal to the boys.

There’s no shame in saying I miss some of those days. I wish we would meet as friends and have a go at each other instead of talking about our boring five year plans.
That day might never come but in case it does, I have been rehearsing and I have every intention of being crowned QUEEN of MCHONGOANO.