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REVENGE PORN.

“Can a millennial relationship work without exchanging Nudes?”

When you are head over heels in love with someone, you do a lot of crazy things.

Try to remember something crazy you’ve done…

Caught in all the emotions of a budding romance, our thinking gets clouded.

In such a state, we end up doing certain “adventurous things” we wouldn’t normally do.

We take pictures, record things, send some pictures, say some things over text get naughty and generally get careless.

We do such things because we trust the other person, but after while we realize a relationship cannot work with this person.

Normally, as hard as breaking up is, someone should respect our decision and move on.

Instead, you start receiving threats like;

“If you break up with me, I will send your nudes to the Church Youth Group!”

“If you break up with me, I will post your nudes on social media.”

And with this, the nightmare begins.

Revenge Porn is also called SEXTORTION.

I would not normally quote the Feds but here is how they define Sextortion;

“A serious crime that occurs when someone threatens to distribute your private and sensitive material if you don’t provide them with images of a sexual nature, sexual favors, or money.”

With modern couples warming up to such practices like Sexting, sending nudes to each other, making sex tapes, audio recording sexual escapades, Revenge Porn is here to stay!

Revenge Porn affects both sexes but one would argue that women are at a greater disadvantage.

More concerning is that Revenge Porn is rarely carried out by strangers, 6 out of 10 victims know the perpetrators.

Revenge Porn is carried out or will be carried out by someone you know.

Revenge Porn feeds off the changing relational dynamics that makes such practices like sexting and sending nudes common place.

This being the case, Revenge Porn is picking up momentum and there is need to take steps to protect yourself.

Criminal Sextortion is sophisticated as it includes hacking and other methods the victim may not be familiar with, but this only accounts for about 40% of Sextortion cases.

60% of Sextortion cases have us as willing participants, where we give the perpetrators the tools to hurt us.

So how can someone protect themselves from Revenge Porn? By simply refusing to be a participant!

NO NUDES. NO SEXTING. NO SEX TAPES.

Being in love is a good thing, being in love and being sensible is a greater thing.

Don’t be a victim of Revenge Porn.

Ruturo

When I came to this place, I was definitely seeking an escape from what exactly I couldn’t tell. I wanted to be as far from civilization as possible. I wanted to run away from friends. I wanted to run away from the convenient relationships birthed out of close proximity.

I wanted to get away from all the notions that I was my mother’s daughter and nothing more.
I wanted a place with a taste of nature; I had stared at concrete for so long.
I wanted a place where no one knew me, a place you could walk and not rub shoulders with strangers.

There was only one place, Ruturo.

In Ruturo, there’s only one apartment block and a slum right next to it, a pictorial depiction of haves and have nots.
It’s a place you can live for all eternity and just never blend in. Trust me you’d always be referred to as among ‘wale masonko wa plaza’.

The young boys here speak with a heavy kikuyu accent that is beyond education. I personally would laugh at this, I’m thinking of what someone who has mastered the queens language would do, they’d probably find material to amuse their online followers.

The ‘boda boda’ guys don’t need to ask where I live anytime I need a ride home. They just know.
More to the labels that generously went around, it was easy to know who was who just from appearance, the sun and the red soil and perhaps the ever present poverty have done a number on the locals here. They seem to be one with mother earth.

Here, everyone knows everyone. I’m not people oriented myself. The only time I interact with anyone is when I need something from the shop or when signaling my ‘boda boda’ guy for a ride.

I often find it hard to tell exactly where I live anytime someone asks me. Ruturo isn’t just a term you utter so loud and to be honest I don’t like it.

Kiambu is quite some distance from Ruturo so I barely tell people I live in Kiambu. Anytime I mention Tatu City what is imagined is the glorious flats going for 2.6M plus. I mean, I live in a bedsitter lol.
Kamiti corner isn’t just it either, that’s a totally different region although close. Ruiru, oh no, not Ruiru. 5 minutes’ walk from Tatu City is what I’ve decided to settle with.

Despite Ruturo being a slum, it has a taste of some country life. You see, I’d choose country life over city life any day. It’s who I am, a country girl. I don’t know about you but most of my best memories come from some dirty old roads. I have come to realize that I’d rather live on a farm in the middle of nowhere than in the city. Pretty weird, I know.

There’s poverty here no doubt, alcohol is men’s favorite pass time, girls are mothers quite early, and the boys find pure excitement in swimming in their birth suits. This turns their skin ghostly white, they call it ‘kuparara’ hence the name ‘dufo mpararo’. I call this place home.

Do I love Ruturo? Well, I would want to see more girls join secondary school. I would want to see boys dream bigger than becoming “wasee wa nduthi”. Anyway, at least now I get fewer visits from old friends, I plan to make new ones.

You’ll Be OKAY

You’re walking down the street, and you’re worried about being late for meeting someone.

You’re anxious about what they might think of you. You pass some people and worry a bit about what they think of you, without realizing you’re doing it.

You’re worried about some things at work, and all the things you have to do in your personal life (taxes, errands, bills). You have this feeling you should be doing more, doing something else. All the time.

You worry about how you look, about how you’re perceived, about how you’ll do, about whether you’ll fail, about how much you have to do, about what you don’t have, about what you’re missing out on, about how you compare to others.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. We all worry about these things.

Here’s the thing: in all of these cases, you’ll BE OKAY. Life will turn out just fine.

We’re always worried about what might go wrong, about the bad things people think about us, and so on. We’re focused on the bad outcomes only.

Those bad outcomes are just a few possibilities out of many, and they’re unlikely to come true.

And even if they do (let’s say someone thinks badly of you), the bad outcomes rarely ever mean anything disastrous for our lives.

Even if the bad things come true, you’ll be OKAY.

Picture the things you’ve worried about in the last few years: little things mostly. And in all of those cases, you turned out fine. Life didn’t collapse.

If you start to build confidence that you’ll be OKAY, you can let go of the worries (when you notice them). You can feel good, rather than being consumed by worry and anxiety all the time.

You walk down the street, relaxed, with a smile on your face.

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