FINDING LOVE PAST 30. PART 3: THE STRATEGY.

After appreciating the journey and learning of the pitfalls, we now seek to answer the most important question, HOW.

Let us look at a few ways we might employ to find Love.

DATING SITES.

I want you to think of a product. If a product is made and is locked away in a box, no one will ever know the product exists.

To make the product known, manufacturers advertise.

Part of the reason why you might be single is you don’t expose yourself to the right people.

If you are in a constant environment where you know everyone and everyone knows you, you might be single for a while.

If you work with family and friends, then you are bound to be single for a while because family and friends can’t ask you out.

Dating sites help you see and be seen by people far and wide.

More to this, dating sites clearly define the agenda of everyone there and this makes it easier.

There are a lot of dating sites one can join; it all depends on your preference.

In the Bible, we read of a young beautiful lady called Ruth. She spent most of her time with her mother-in-law Naomi. Ruth needed a husband and Naomi told her what I’ve just told you, Ruth put yourself out there!!

Do dating sites work? You can read amazing stories of how couples who have been married for year met on dating apps.

IT’S OKAY TO HIT ON A GUY.

Traditionally, women don’t make the first move but ask yourself whether you want to follow tradition or you want a husband.

Contrary to what most think, it is not a desperate move. If you like a guy, go for it!!

Ruth is still fresh on our minds, so what did Ruth do? Ruth hit on Boaz and that bold move cemented her place in history.

At the end of the day, when you are happily married, no one remembers you made the first move.

Question is, what are you waiting for?

Recent research has shown that women who make the first move have more successful relationships.

Think about that.

ATTENDING SINGLES EVENTS.

There are many singles events held every year, why not attend one of them.  

There are a lot of fun activities organized for single people, why not try out such events.

Many Churches have Singles Ministry, why not try that.

There are a lot of single people out here!

MAKING IT INTENTIONAL.

Most of the time being in relationships is something we leave to chance.

We pray and hope it happens but we never really take the steps to make sure it happens.

For you to find love past 30, then the process has to be intentional.

If finding love was as intentional as getting a promotion, then we would not even be talking about this.

Make finding love intentional and love may come sooner than you expect.

THERE IS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE.

A 50 year old man was surprised to learn that an 84 year old mum had fallen in love with a 90 year old man in the nursing home!!

There is someone for everyone and if you keep on looking, you will find one meant for you.

We have heard of death throw prisoners finding love a few months to their execution.

Cheer up; be hopeful, look forward to it, there’s someone for everyone.

FINDING LOVE PAST 30. PART 2: THE PITFALLS.

COMPARISON WITH OTHERS.

At this stage in life, it’s normal to feel a bit left behind especially when we compare ourselves with our peers.

Some of our peers might be on the second or third child and there is a pressing need to catch up.

In family events, we feel some pressure because we don’t have a significant other or some children tagging along.

This adds to the frustration we are already feeling.

Plainly stated, you are unfair to yourself when you compare yourself to others.

Your responsibility is to live your life and not that of your peers.

YOU CAN’T SKIP FRIENDSHIP.

On date nights, husband and wife would watch a movie together.

On this particular night, it was the husbands turn to pick the movie.

“What are we watching today?” asked the wife.

“My Best Friend’s Wedding.” said the husband.

Hoping to see some amazing acting from Julia Roberts, the wife teared up when she saw the video of their wedding.

You are happiest in marriage when you marry your best friend.

Friendship is the most important step to a happy marriage.

UGLY GHOSTS OF THE PAST.

We all tend to look at the future in light of the past.

When a promise is made, we tend to look at it in light of all the promises made in the past.

When we think of sacrifice, we think of the sacrifices we made in the past that went unappreciated.

Looking at things from this point of view makes us unwilling to try things that have failed in the past.

By 30, everything sounds familiar. We have been there, we have done that.

Finding love may require us to let go of the past and not judge a potential suitor based on past experience.

WHERE THERE IS TRUE LOVE, THERE IS DEEP HURT.

A 90 year old husband will hurt his 85 year old wife the same way an 18 year old guy will hurt the 16 year old girlfriend.

To fully enjoy the fruits of love is to fully be open to the possibility of hurt.

At 30, what we avoid most is the hurt and pain perhaps experienced in the past but where there is true love, there is deep hurt.

The degree of hurt is in direct proportion to the degree of love.

If we are all about avoiding hurt, we might as well give up on the possibility of love.

TIME.

We majorly think of time in terms of using it wisely but not as a gift that is to be enjoyed.

We think of time as an enemy, something that is pushing us to get things done quickly.

Time is a friend and not a foe. Don’t be in a hurry to get things done. Don’t rush to get married, don’t rush to get children.

Even at 30, getting to know each other takes time, use that gift wisely.

FINDING LOVE PAST 30. PART 1: THE JOURNEY.

My mum got married when she was 21, and by 30, she had given birth to the two of us.

Today, at 30, a good number of women are finishing up with their studies, learning the ropes in a dream job or about to start a business.

Emotionally, a single woman at 30 is likely to be recovering from a failed marriage or a failed relationship that caused a lot of emotional damage.

Even without statistics, it’s easy to tell that 30 for most Kenyan women is a waiting room.

When you hit 30, you realize you have lived half your life and this perhaps is the reason most women get wiser at 30.

For whatever reason, a woman may find herself single at 30 and at this stage, finding love is not as easy as it was when you were 18.

There is a lot at stake, so much to consider, and many women wonder how to go about it.

Before we look at tips to help you navigate the love maze at 30, there are a few things you must appreciate about the journey so far.

YOU ARE WISER.

You will be amazed at how many lessons you have learnt along the way.

There are mistakes you made you would not repeat.

There are some people you dated that you can’t even talk to right now.

There are things about yourself you didn’t know but now you know.

Being wiser will help you make a good decision.

YOU ARE MORE EXPERIENCED.

Think of the lies you never saw through in your younger days.

Think of all the red flags you missed.

Think of all the times you should have walked away but you did not.

Well, now you are experienced.

You can see a lie even before it is told.

You can see a time waster even before he takes up a minute of your time.

You can know a cheater just by looking at their shadow.

This experience will guide you to a good decision.

MAN-A-PLENTY.

There are many men past 30 that are single and you only need one, so it’s accurate to say you are spoilt for choice.

30 has the same effect on men as it has on women.

Men at 30 tend to be focused and a bit more mature.

At 30, most men are shedding youthful immaturity and putting on maturity that blossom in old age.

A LOT IS AT STAKE.

At 30, a lot is at stake.

Children from previous relationships might be involved and this being the case, you have to think about what’s good for all involved.

You will be surprised how sharp our minds can be when a lot is at stake.

GOOD COACHES MAKE CHANGES AT HALF-TIME.

Think of a Coach watching his team play, as he watches the game, he take mental notes of what is working and the areas that need change.

At half time, he makes the changes that help the team win the game.

30 is half your life so 30 serves as your half-time.

Half of your life is behind you and the other half is ahead.

It’s time to think about what is working and what is not; it’s time to make changes that will make the remaining half of your life better.

Plainly stated, 30 is the best time to prepare for the future.

Appreciating these factors helps us approach Love with the realization that we not desperate and that we are not late.

That being said, there are a few pitfalls we ought to avoid.

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