The Journey.
My mum got married when she was 21, and by 30, she had given birth to the two of us.
Today, at 30, a good number of women are finishing up with their studies, learning the ropes in a dream job or about to start a business.
Emotionally, a single woman at 30 is likely to be recovering from a failed marriage or a failed relationship that caused a lot of emotional damage.
Even without statistics, it’s easy to tell that 30 for most Kenyan women is a waiting room.
When you hit 30, you realize you have lived half your life and this perhaps is the reason most women get wiser at 30.
For whatever reason, a woman may find herself single at 30 and at this stage, finding love is not as easy as it was when you were 18.
There is a lot at stake, so much to consider, and many women wonder how to go about it.
Before we look at tips to help you navigate the love maze at 30, there are a few things you must appreciate about the journey so far.
You Are Wiser.
You will be amazed at how many lessons you have learnt along the way.
There are mistakes you made you would not repeat.
There are some people you dated that you can’t even talk to right now.
There are things about yourself you didn’t know but now you know.
Being wiser will help you make a good decision.
You Are More Experienced.
Think of the lies you never saw through in your younger days.
Think of all the red flags you missed.
Think of all the times you should have walked away but you did not.
Well, now you are experienced.
You can see a lie even before it is told.
You can see a time waster even before he takes up a minute of your time.
You can know a cheater just by looking at their shadow.
This experience will guide you to a good decision.
Man-A-Plenty.
There are many men past 30 that are single and you only need one, so it’s accurate to say you are spoilt for choice.
30 has the same effect on men as it has on women.
Men at 30 tend to be focused and a bit more mature.
At 30, most men are shedding youthful immaturity and putting on maturity that blossom in old age.
A Lot Is At Stake.
At 30, a lot is at stake.
Children from previous relationships might be involved and this being the case, you have to think about what’s good for all involved.
You will be surprised how sharp our minds can be when a lot is at stake.
Good Coaches Make Changes At Half-Time.
Think of a Coach watching his team play, as he watches the game, he take mental notes of what is working and the areas that need change.
At half time, he makes the changes that help the team win the game.
30 is half your life so 30 serves as your half-time.
Half of your life is behind you and the other half is ahead.
It’s time to think about what is working and what is not; it’s time to make changes that will make the remaining half of your life better.
Plainly stated, 30 is the best time to prepare for the future.
Appreciating these factors helps us approach Love with the realization that we not desperate and that we are not late.
That being said, there are a few pitfalls we ought to avoid.
Stories
THE REALIZATION
Lately I’ve been practicing asking myself a question:
What if this moment were already perfect, everything you needed to be happy?
This question is transformative.
If I’m upset about something, I reconsider the moment and realize that I’m being small-minded about something, and that if I look at the entire moment, I can appreciate how much I have to be grateful for.
Being mad at someone, I can see that actually this person is pretty wonderful and I should be grateful for having them in my life.
Being upset at a situation, I can see how much I actually have, how lucky I am, how great it is to be alive.
And even in non-frustrating moments, I can see how much of a gift this present moment is, and pause to really appreciate everything about it. And then make the most of it.
Is it possible this moment is the perfect blend you need for happiness?
5 WAYS TO KNOW A GUY TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY.
We eventually recover from broken hearts, what hurts a lot when a relationship goes south is the time you spent with that person that you’ll never get back.
How do you know a guy takes you seriously?
ARE YOU A SECRET?
The evolutionary process has developed a new trait in men; the ability to keep secrets.
Do you always meet in far off islands in the middle of nowhere?
Do you always meet at night?
Are you always indoors?
Are the weekend getaways always out of town?
Are the two of you alone most of the time?
Are you inseparable in private but act like strangers in public?
Congratulations!! You are a secret!!
Men are proud beings, they are proud of who they are and they are proud of what they have.
If a man is keeping you as a secret then he is not proud of you.
Find a man who will wear you like a crown on his head.
HAVE YOU MET HIS FRIENDS?
Have you met his friends? And if you have, WHICH ONES?
Men are not so good in drawing boundaries so they call every other man in their life a friend.
Men call their workmates friends, men call their teammates friends, men call their acquaintances friends.
It’s not enough meeting his friends; you need to meet his true friends.
A man is accountable to his true friends.
A man can take you to his office party and none of the guys there will ask him a question because they don’t know him well enough and he does not have to explain who you are because he is not accountable to them.
But there are friends a man is accountable to, friends he has to explain to who you are because they know him in and out.
If a man takes you serious he will introduce you to his real friends but if you have been meeting his drinking buddies or his investment group, go find a man that takes you serious.
HAVE YOU MET HIS PARENTS?
When a bachelor goes home to visit his parents, the parents are always disappointed that he has come alone.
This disappointment is amplified when the bachelor has siblings who are married and have children.
The pressure to at least get someone comes from every direction.
The “why are haven’t you introduced someone to us?” discussion is a tough discussion.
The first thing a guy may want to do after meeting someone he thinks can work is introduce them to the parents.
No guy waits for years to introduce a girl he’s dating to the parents.
Introducing a girl you are dating to your parents is a big deal to a guy.
Meeting his parents opens the lines of communication which means his mum has your number, you can meet her for this and that, she can ask you to help at home if she has visitors, you can hang out with the sisters.
Nothing says I’m serious about you like MEET MY FAMILY.
Let’s face it, it extremely difficult to break up with a girl your family has already accepted as a daughter in law so no guy would trivialize MEET MY FAMILY.
IS HE TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE?
The best proof that a guy is not buying time with you is if he talks about a future.
Men talk about the future only if they see it.
If a man is in a dead end job he hates, he does not even talk about next week because he can quit any time, but if he loves the job he talk about the next few years.
If a man is buying time with you, there is no commitment that goes past today because he can quit any time.
But if a man sees a future with you, he will drop a few hints along the way.
They say talk is cheap, a man my talk about the future because he knows you want to hear it. How about a man who walks the future? Way much better!
A man that takes you back to school, a man that helps you set up a business, a man that invests in you in one way or another, that’s a man that takes you serious.
WHAT DO YOU TALK ABOUT?
The content of your conversations reveals the depth of the relationship.
Do you have pointless conversations that you would have with a random stranger on a queue in the bank?
Are your conversations so shallow that a stranger can join in and feel at home?
When a guy is buying time, he would want to keep it as light as possible.
But a man brave enough to talk about your flaws is a man that takes you serious.
A man willing to talk about your daddy issues, how you spend your money, the kind of friends you keep, a man that challenges your faith in a good way and makes you re-examine your beliefs is a man in it for the long run.
The only reason I would correct a bad habit in a girlfriend is I wouldn’t want the habit to be there when she’s a wife, when she is a mother.
General principle here is, the content of your conversations, reveals to you the depth of the relationship.
EveryDay Glows 