“When I met you, I was done searching. When I met you, I did not want to be with anyone else. I used to be tossed about by the wind but in you I found an anchor…”

On and on he spoke, and as he spoke, she thought to herself I’ve always wanted to hear a man say these words.

She would have teared up, said YES before the man popped the question but the feeling was absent, all she could come up with was, “I appreciate the feeling.”

For years she kept hoping to hear these words, she wanted so badly for him to say them, but he was not committed. He could not even promise her tomorrow. When that ended, she felt wasted.

She met another, and she just longed to hear the same words, she got lies, broken promises and indecision. Two years later, things felt apart, she found herself on Hurt Avenue again.

But this guy was different. He loved her even without meeting her; he appreciated her even when little was done. He would take note of the minor things which never meant anything to previous suitors. He adored her, sent jokes to her just to keep her happy.

It was happening too fast, a good thing ought to take time right? He said the right words, just as she had always hoped to hear them. Her heart should have melted but her heart was hard as dried cement.

“Will you marry me?” He asked after explaining how much she meant to him.

“I wish I felt the same,” she said.

What happens, when the wrong person says the right words?

We often excuse bad behavior with statements like;

“No one is perfect.”

“To err is human.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

Be that as it may, wise women don’t give second chances.

If we had as much as two lives, we would not be as careful as we are right now with the one life we have.

Knowing we have one life makes us extremely careful at preserving the quality of that life. We avoid things that threaten life and gravitate to those things that promote life.

If you live to be 70 years, you will have preserved your life for 70 years and that is quite a feat.

Let’s apply the same logic to relationships.

When a man realizes there’s such a thing as a second chance, he won’t be as careful.

When a man knows there’s some forgiveness somewhere willing to be dispensed, he won’t be as careful.

A man needs to know he has only one chance to love you; he has only one chance to take care of you and treat you right.

He needs to understand that your attention, your affection is something that is on offer once.

He needs to understand that touch is a privilege; even the smallest demonstration of affection is a privilege, a privilege given, and a privilege that can be taken away.

A man needs to understand that your intelligence is a gift and to undermine it by lying, attracts consequences.

We value our lives because we know life can be lost.

If a man knows your love and all the benefits that come with that can be lost, you will see a man value you as much as they value life.

There are people who are used to privilege, and we can’t blame them. Privilege has it place, but when it comes to love, there is no such thing as privilege.

Love, the pursuit of it, its sustenance, its end product, is a process that equalizes all of us.

Those most frustrated with love are they who approach love with a consciousness of who they are and thus expect some privilege to flow from that.

A lady aware of her beauty, her independence may approach love with some entitlement and say something to the effect, because I am this kind of person, I expect this kind of person.

From such a lady, Love takes away the independence, the benefits of beauty, not because love does not recognize these things but because love is independent of these things!

Love is not a reputation issue, love is not a financial issue, love is not an achievement issue, Love is a heart issue!

Love being a heart issue means, love is independent of the near sightedness of the pleasures of the eye, Love is independent of the raging passions of touch; Love is independent of the persuasions that come through the ear.

If all of us were savages that walk naked in the woods, love would still be possible because love is independent of the many “deal breakers” we attach to it.

A lady may say No to a man based on certain things that are important to her like a good job, financial status and such. Take the man and the lady and place them in a dense forest with nothing, would the lady still say No to the man?

When it comes to love, the idea that we can choose who to love based on our preferences is an illusion.

When it comes to Love, we are all equal.

We are stripped of the needless crowns we place on our heads and our hearts become healthy and alive.

We succeed if we make love a heart issue but we fail when we make love dependent on our preferences.

If all the above is fuzzy, answering these questions will set you in the right direction.

Do you love because you can or do you love because you must?

Is love just an ability or is love a necessity?