Is it possible to be nice without being misunderstood?
I was in desperate need of a job some time back and someone knew someone who knew someone who could help.
There was a job alright, but there was a condition, ‘I scratch your back you scratch mine .’
I was familiar with the “proposal”, a few years back, my boss had run the same play on me, “Do something for me or I’ll get you fired.”
Before that, there was a Supervisor who felt entitled to my body.
And after him, a film producer who told me the key to success in the film industry was “inside” me.
For a moment, Sex seems to open more doors than Education.
Honestly, out of 10, I would give myself a solid 5.5.
I’ve never been the prettiest girl in the room but I tend to be warm, welcoming and I love smiling.
Generally, I would consider myself a nice person. I’m not a snob; I’m not a diva, just a nice person.
I don’t mind being nice but at times I wish I was a snob because nice gets misunderstood.
When every guy you meet wants to smash you, a question lingers in your mind, is it me or them?
It’s not an easy question to answer.
When peers want to smash you, when married men want to smash you, when your boss wants a piece of the pie, when every conversation with a co-worker has sexual undertones, you look inward and think maybe I’m giving out the wrong signals, maybe I’m the one leading them on.
Is it possible to be nice without being misunderstood?
A few centuries ago it would have been possible but today the social dynamics have changed and this change has affected how women behave.
I don’t want to be a snob. I don’t want to be indifferent; I want to be nice and courteous.
I want to be kind and considerate; I want to treat others as I would want to be treated.
I want to smile at a stranger, have meaningful conversations with my ‘nduthi’ guy, I want to lend hand to a man who has forgotten his wallet and the impatient tout is about to embarrass him, I want to help jump start a car that has stalled on the highway.
I won’t stop being nice because I fear being misunderstood.
What I fear is losing myself and my character because of a few “perverts” I’ve met along the way.
I chose to smile, to genuinely care, I chose to be warm and welcoming, I choose to give free hugs and a complement things well done, I choose to appreciate and give credit where it’s due.
Yes, I will be misunderstood, I might be accused of leading some gentlemen on, but that is who I am and I will not change me because of a few misguided individuals.
I’m willing to pay the price of being nice.
SELFIE.
What do people worship today?
In times past, cultures used to worship trees, animals, mountains and the like.
Today, people worship themselves, and you just might be part of the latest cult in town, SELF-WORSHIP.
I know what you are thinking, that’s alarmist!
Let’s dive into the cult.
How many pictures do you have of yourself?
Are you taking pictures of yourself and making comments about the pictures?
Do you feel a need to update people on what you have been up to?
Do you send pictures of yourself to people who didn’t ask for them?
Are you angry when people fail to take note of your pictures?
Do you feel ignored when there are no likes or comments?
Are you so concerned about capturing you than capturing the moment?
Is there a hidden intention of outdoing perceived spot-light robbers?
Do you at times edit your pictures to make you look more appealing than you are?
If you answered YES to any of those questions, then you are into SELF-WORSHIP.
Self-worship is you at the center with the solar system revolving around you.
Self-worship is you being at the center of every conversation.
Self-worship is that anger bubbling underneath when people talk about something or someone else.
Self-worship is you starting every sentence with I.
Self-worship is having me, myself and I as your best friends.
We are no doubt living in a Self-worshipping culture, question is, are you into Self-worship? Refer to questions above.
THOSE HONEST FRIENDS.
You will be surprised how many people would watch you walk down the wrong path and not say a thing to save your life.
We live in such a culture where the justification is; “She’s an adult” or “I love minding my own business” or “She can make her own decisions”
Many seek to avoid those difficult conversations that might as well mean an end to the relationship, what will surprise you is the number willing to tell you what you want to hear.
Hans Christian Anderson tells a story that would help relate the point.
There was an emperor who was obssesed with Clothes. He was so obsessed with clothes that he had a suit for every hour of the day, he was always in his dressing room.
Two weavers came to his Kingdom and said they could weave the most beautiful suit for the Emperor anyone had ever seen.
The Emperor was excited at this and he gave the two weavers money to begin the work.
The weavers said this one of a kind suit they were weaving for the Emperor would be Invisible to those unfit for office and those exceptionally stupid.
The Emperor was elated at hearing this, he would finally have a suit that could help him know those unfit for office or exceptionally stupid.
The weavers set up two huge looms and began the work.
All the gold they demanded for the suit was stored away in their travel bag.
From time to time the Emperor would send his men to inspect the work. The weavers would show the looms that had nothing to the advisors who would see nothing but not ask because whoever did not see the suit was unfit for office or exceptionally stupid. The men would go back to the Emperor and say work was going on fine.
The Emperor went to check on the work and saw nothing but the dress was so special if you could not see it you were either unfit for office or foolish.
A big procession was coming up and the Emperor was to wear the new suit. Procession day came and the Emperor took off his clothes and wore the new suit. He walks around the Kingdom everyone praising his new suit until a child said, “THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES!!”Word spread quick that the Emperor was naked, he saw that too but the procession had to go on by which time the swindlers were long gone.
Moral of the story, you need honest friends. Friends that will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it, friends that will have those difficult conversations, friends that would rather tell you truth that hurts momentarily but will keep you from making a fool of yourself. If you lose friends who weren’t honest then they were not good friends.
Do you have any honest friends?
EveryDay Glows 