Some stories should be shared over and over; this is one of them.
A missionary wanted to preach the Gospel to a notorious drug dealer but the town people discouraged him saying he would never listen.
The missionary went ahead and shared the Gospel with the dealer but he was not interested.
The missionary gave him a bible and urged him to read it.
“I’ll use this to roll my weed and smoke!” said the drug dealer.
The missionary went and came back after some time and he was shocked when he was told the drug dealer was now the town Pastor.
“What happened?” the missionary asked.
“I smoked through Matthew, I smoked through Mark, I smoked through Luke, but when I came to the Gospel of John, I read how much God loves me and by his grace I turned my life around.”
Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
There is no one who reads God’s word and remains unchanged.
“The first cut is the deepest; the second should not cut as deep or even hurt as much.”
It first happened in May 2016, that’s 4 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday.
October 2019 it happened again.
The 2019 breakup was worse, it felt awful being in the same place I was 3 years back.
The first cut is the deepest, but the second should not cut as deep or even hurt as much.
How do you make breaking up hurt less?
REALIZING THAT PEOPLE COME AND GO.
Throughout the course of your life you will interact with many people, some will stay but some will go.
Whenever you relate with people, have the awareness that people come and go.
When you have this awareness, you will be more prepared to deal with the departure of people in your life.
When dating and falling in love, always keep in mind that this person can leave.
That awareness makes you prepared should they choose to leave.
Break ups hurt because we foresee a future with someone, we invest in someone, give all we have and all we are but oblivious to the fact that they can leave anytime.
People come and go, that’s a fact of life.
READING THE SIGNS.
In my two break ups, I missed a lot of signs.
There were signs that things were not heading in the right direction.
There were signs that the other person was getting tired.
There were signs when statements like, “If things don’t get better…” were used on a regular basis.
“I need some space.”
“Let’s take some time off.”
All these were signs that I missed.
When things take such a turn in a relationship, we choose to be optimistic and we put more effort to save the relationship.
Think of a plane, when a plane is out of fuel, the Pilot tells the passengers to brace for impact; we are making an emergency landing.
Signs like frequent arguing, slow communication, lack of motivation to meet up with the other person, feeling tired and worn out are nothing more than a brace for impact!
RESIGN INSTEAD OF BEING FIRED.
Employees know when they are about to get fired, instead of waiting for the axe, smart employees have a discussion with the boss and they offer to resign.
In some companies when you are fired, you don’t get any benefits but when you choose to resign, you get all your benefits.
You can tell when a break up is in the atmosphere, you dread that call or text message that says, “We need to talk.”
Instead of waiting for the axe, meet up with your partner and propose you end the relationship amicably. That is better than being dumped!
When you end a relationship amicably, you feel part of the decision and it hurts less.
MAKING THEM A PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.
Think of your life as a picture that has to be put together by the many pieces of a puzzle.
Now, think of your partner just as a piece of the puzzle.
They are a piece of the puzzle but there are many other pieces needed to make the picture complete.
There is some excitement when we meet our significant other and to accommodate them; we have to make a few changes here and there.
Some aspects of our lives take a back seat, and this is one of the main reasons break ups hurt a lot.
The degree of hurt is in direct proportion to what you had to give up for the relationship to work.
Sacrifices we make for a relationship soon become deep regrets.
If you passed up an opportunity just to maintain a relationship, then it will sting when the relationship doesn’t work out.
If you fall out with family and friends because of a relationship, it will really sting when the relationship doesn’t last.
To remedy all this, we ought to treat the significant other as a piece of the puzzle and not the puzzle.
Your life should not stop because you met someone. Your friendships and other ties should not suffer because you met someone. Your upward curve should not take a dive because you met someone.
Breakups hurt less when you have a lot going on for you other than the relationship.
LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP IN HINDSIGHT.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and I would agree.
There are so many things that are sour at the moment but become sweet in the long run.
It was painful when our parents disciplined us but now all grown up, we thank them for it, don’t we?
In the heat of all the emotion, our thoughts are clouded and it’s hard to see that something is not good for us.
A break up is not something that is immediately appreciated but in hindsight we can say something like, “breaking up with them is the best thing that ever happened to me!”
Some characters we called boyfriends or girlfriends were wrong from the very start.
Some relationships should not have happened, but this is a realization that comes in hindsight.
A break up will hurt less when we think about it later and appreciate it happened.
To wrap this up, you have a responsibility to protect your heart. I hope these tips help you in that endeavor.
Which tips have you used or wished you had used or even plan to use? Let us know in the comment section below.
These men find the best there is on offer, good jobs, good cars, good investments, good women but they are bad keepers.
They find a good job and lose it just as fast.
They find good women and lose them just as fast.
They find good cars but lose them just as fast.
For these men, the “thrill is in the chase”
They feed off the ups and downs and the hustle of finding something and to them, finding that thing is the victory in and of itself
They are not interested in anything beyond that.
These kinds of men will do anything to get you to say YES to them.
They will sacrifice; go out of their way for that YES but remember, they are only after the YES and nothing else.
Such kind of men move heaven and earth to get your phone number but when they do, they don’t even use it.
Their motivation was to get your number and not talk to you.
These men come across as collectors, they have a lot of things in their house that they don’t use and yet can’t give them away because these collected items help them relive the thrill.
When you give in, you become the latest piece of art in his collection.
THE YES MAN.
These guys always say YES to everything.
Initially, this is inviting to most ladies but soon they realize he says YES to everyone.
You ought to be cautious about someone giving you a lot of YESES.
Such men tend to be people pleasers. A YES to you, a YES to the mum, a YES to the brother and soon he has a lot of YESES to deal with.
At times you need to hear NO, or that’s not a good idea, or let’s try something different.
Life with a YES man is very unhappy.
Give it some thought before you say YES to a YES MAN.
THE MERCY PROJECT.
Ladies love projects.
This is a man who is struggling in a way.
Things have been slow for him but he talks of a great future.
He can be a great guy but there are obstacles to his progress, obstacles you are willing to help him overcome.
He is often stuck and you feel a need to bail him out.
You believe in him because he seems sure of the future.
You confuse feeling sorry for him and loving him.
You think about leaving because futures come and go but he is still stuck.
You prove your love by being patient and supporting him but with time you realize he uses the phrase the future is bright to cope with his failure.
You need someone to love you and build a future with you; you don’t need a man to baby sit.
Ladies, if a man has achieved nothing on his own, he won’t achieve anything with you.
A MAN WHO CAN’T MAKE DECISIONS.
Avoid a man who doesn’t know what he wants.
If a man takes an hour to choose which shirt to wear to work, that is a hint of how your future together will be.
If a man can’t stick to a decision he has made, then don’t bet your future on such a man.
Such a man rubs people the wrong way and burns a lot of bridges along the way.
If he can’t decide where to take you on a simple date, then he’s not worth your time.
Everyone makes wrong decisions, avoid a man who doesn’t make any decision.
THE EXPERIENCED MAN.
There is some knowledge that comes with experience.
The more you do something, the more knowledge you have of that thing.
Well, the principle applies in relationships too.
Beware of men who have experience in Women.
Relationships with experienced men tend to be perfect.
When you have been around women for years, you end up with a lot of knowledge about them.
With an Experienced man, you could go for a whole year without an argument.
He seem to understand every emotion and feeling you have.
In this relationship, you feel understood.
An experienced man rarely offends you; he has a very clean record.
So what wrong with this man?
Experienced men tend to manage you. To them, it’s all a game.
There have been there and done that.
The relationship tends to be loveless because he views you like a business, maximize profits to him and minimize losses.
THE OLDER MAN.
The Experienced man is closely related to the older man.
Let us take a 60 year old man dating a 25 year old lady. This relationship will be very stable in contrast to two 25 year olds dating.
An older man knows the value of education, the value of a good investment and these are the things he emphasizes to the 25 year old.
Think of a man who knows his way through a dense forest. He will use his years of experience to take you safely through the forest.
There are a lot of advantages being older brings to the relationship. As a grown up, there are a lot of things you would do different if you were 15 again.
Dating an older man makes you a recipient of all the knowledge and wealth he has amassed over the 60 years.
Older men tend to be richer and women tend to be more receptive when their insecurities are addressed.
But all this is a farce.
It is like racing against a toddler and feeling proud of the win.
A 60 year old man can pay rent for the 25 year old, and even buy her a car. To the 25 year old, this is impressive and generous but to the 60 year old paying rent and buying a car was just pocket change.
THE VIOLENT GUY.
No woman would willingly be involved with a violent man.
Violence hides itself in good qualities a man might have.
When a guy always wants to know where you are and who you are with, it comes across as caring not over-protective.
When he is angry that you are out late, it comes across as genuine concern.
Only later does this take a more sinister turn but by this point the woman is in too deep.
Outside looking in, we blame women in abusive relationships for not walking out but we fail to understand a violent man has strategies he employs.
Most of your friends easily recognize a violent man and advice you against him. He uses this to alienate you from your friends and family and you quickly adapt an “Us against the World” mentality so that when the abuse starts, you have burnt all your bridges.
You have nowhere to go.
It very easy to know a violent man; just look at how he relates to people around him. How he reacts when a waiter brings the wrong order, how he behaves in traffic, how he deals with people who offend him in one way or another.
It’s wrong to think you are an exception to his violence. You may convince yourself that his violence can’t cross over to you but violence knows no boundaries.
Violent and controlling men start out as perfect gentlemen until they block every escape route you might have, then you are no longer a girlfriend but the next victim.
I should quote Solomon here;
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person; do not associate with one easily angered.
EveryDay Glows 