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I’m only 23 and my love life is nothing short of a badly scripted Nigerian movie.

In hindsight, Georges was a mistake; I was young and naïve but I felt loved. Georges gave some street cred; walking with him down the street made me the envy of many neighborhood girls.

Georges was one of these “light skin” dudes and in Kahawa West, light skin fetched a lot of money!!

Without taking anything from him, Georges was my first boyfriend, but not my first love. That unfortunate title would belong to another.

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I was still in High School when Georges was making the news, after High school, I met Charles.

I asked Charles to be my boyfriend. Ladies, I did not die, (I wish I had) but this is on my all-time list of poor decisions made.

I should have doubted the man he was when he said YES, but I was head over heels and I ignored it.

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Charles turned out to be a two timing dirt bag and just like that, I was on Hurt Avenue again.

I cried, and coincidentally did a lot of laundry; washing made me busy and took my mind off the tears.

The exit of one bad decision led to another,ladies and gentlemen, I present Ekay.

Ekay is the main actor in this badly scripted Nigerian movie.

Ekay used me so well that I liked it, I actually loved it. I would say he responsibly used me.

For five months, I was a good insurance policy for him in case things did not work out with the girlfriend.

Georges was a flat character in a bad cartoon series, Charles was like a poorly done 2D animation film from India but Ekay, Ekay was my first love.

Georges was puppy love, Charles was a necessary evil but Ekay was my first love and apparently, my only love given I have been unsuccessful since him.

I adored that guy; he was the smartest guy in the room.

He was thoughtful, caring, brotherly, present and he filled that void of approval I missed from my dad.

Now that I’m wiser, Ekay is nothing more than those insignificant Chinese characters that die at the start of every Jackie Chan movie.

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Life with Ekay turned out to be one prolonged lie spanning months. By the time I was catching on to his lies, I was neck deep in the love triangle.

For some reason, I chose to stay with him even after knowing his heart was elsewhere.

By the time I gathered enough courage to leave him, the damage had been done.

There’s calm after a storm and eventually every heart finds love.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce MK.

This guy is amazing; he is funny, very funny. He cares about me, checks up on me and does all he can to see me happy and comfortable.

He is what I desired all my Ex’s to be. He loves me, he not only says it, he shows it every day.

He has most of the qualities I look for in a partner, but I feel nothing for him, and as sorry as I may be about that, I still feel nothing.

That seem to be the irony of love, that we give less attention to those who genuinely love us but sell ourselves short to those who don’t.

If I met Georges, I would say hi to him as a courtesy extended to a fellow Kenyan.

If I met Charles, why would I even want to meet Charles?

If I met Ekay, I would give him a new copy of my book titled, “NOTHING.”

At 23, there have been two cheaters and a ghost; do I still believe in love?

I picture myself to be among the millions of women in Kenya today who though optimistic about Love, ultimately find themselves involved with characters who make Love seem like a distant dream.

What’s your story?

“…they spent a whole lifetime hating their father, only to realize it was their sweet mum that had cheated.”

Most of us have fully bought into the narrative that men have become irresponsible.

We have used this narrative to explain why a whole generation is growing up fatherless.

Single mothers are busking in the glory of bringing up children on their own, no one is keeping score but the women are winning.

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Men are bad. Women are good.

Today, mothers are glorified, when young people talk about their parents, they are talking about mothers.

Though fathers may be present, they are mostly ignored, which brings me to an important question; is there a chance that the discrediting of fathers is intentional? Is there a chance that mothers manipulate their children to discredit their fathers?

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A wrong attitude towards fathers is driven by stereotypes, wrong beliefs accepted without question.

Let us look at a few wrong beliefs;

The one who walks away is often the guilty offending party.

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When children learn their father walked away from them, they equate the walking out with guilt.

The parent who stays with the children is often seen as the innocent one.

But there are other explanations that are often ignored;

What if your father left because he was heartbroken?

What if your father left because he was avoiding an ugly custody battle that would prolong the suffering?

What if you father left because he never wanted you to have to choose which parent you will stay with?

What if you father left so that you would grow up in a safe environment free of violence?

What if your father knew your life would be better without him in it?

What if your father left because he knew the hatred he had for your mother would be transferred to you?

Unless we understand the WHY, we run the risk passing the wrong judgment and holding grudges against people who did what was best for us.

Let us be practical for a moment; look for a friend that has recently broken up with their partner and ask them why?

Look for someone who resigned from a good company and ask them why?

People have a reason for doing things, but here is the most important thing, THEIR REASONS DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU!!!

A friend can break up with a girl because she’s not funny enough, it’s a silly reason to you but it’s their choice not yours.

When we ask our fathers WHY they left, it will do us good to remember their reason for leaving doesn’t have to make sense to us.

Being a mother and being a wife are two different things!

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Has this ever crossed your mind?

It is very much possible to be a perfect mother but a shitty wife.

Children often think, “She’s such a good mum so definitely she must be a good wife.”

This is the standard children use when they are judging their father;

Why did he leave her? She’s such a loving lady!

What more could a man ask for? My mother is such a humble woman!

Well, as obvious as it may be, being a mum is very different from being a wife.

You can be a good mum but a terrible wife and you can also be a good wife but a terrible mother!

Success as a mother is not success as a wife!!!

You only have the right to judge your mother in your capacity as a child but you have no right whatsoever to judge the kind of wife your mother is to your father, only your father can judge that!

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Is there a chance your mother is a good mother but a terrible wife?

Expecting your father to stay with a terrible woman just because she is your mother is like someone expecting you not to break up with your terrible girlfriend just because she is her sister!!

Your mother is not an Angel.

When a father walks away, the mother has to step up and be mother and father to the children.

Most single mothers almost collapse under the weight of all the responsibility.

Children grow up seeing their mother struggle and they love her more for all the sacrifices she makes.

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But what if she put herself in that situation?

What if her being a single mother is a direct consequence of her poor choices?

What if she drove away your father who was willing to be a part of your life?

What if she made it impossible for your father to stay?

Think of someone carrying heavy loads but they keep on turning down help offered, is such a person to be admired or pitied?

I can’t deny there are irresponsible men out here but there are millions and millions of willing fathers out here who want to be fathers but mothers just make it impossible.

The hardest thing a man can do is to turn his back on his own blood. For a man to up and leave, the woman must have made it impossible to stay.

Am I blaming women? Yes, women are the greatest manufacturers of irresponsible men.

Mothers today just manipulate their children to discrediting their fathers but children ought to be fair, if you blame your father for leaving, blame your mother for not keeping him.

If you blame your father for walking away, blame your mother for not giving him a reason to stay!!

 “…they spent a whole lifetime hating their father, only to realize it was their sweet mum that had cheated.”

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Most of what we sing in church today would not have been sung in churches a few years ago.

Modern church music is danceable, crowd involving, style oriented, tailor made for the so called “praise and worship” sessions and appealing to non-believers because it is similar to worldly music.

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All these factors make us overlook the biggest flaw of modern church music, and that is, modern church music is theologically shallow.

Some modern church music would pass for cheering songs or feel good songs because there is not much in them to give them the distinction of Christian music.

The role of music in the modern church would explain the lack of depth in modern church music.

A few years ago, music was an integral part of the service, there was no “praise and worship” and then a sermon, singing was part of the sermon in that the songs sung were as theologically rich as the sermon itself.

Today, the most important part of the service is the sermon.

Singing serves the purpose of softening up the congregation and thereby making them more receptive to the sermon.

This is the reason we pay very little attention to the lyrics we sing because modern church music is nothing more than an ice breaker that gets people comfortable and receptive.

Do modern church services resemble rock concerts?

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Most church goers would agree that the so called “praise and worship” sessions are nothing more than performances from personalities who have perfected the art of emotional manipulation.

In fact, the whole deal of lights flashing, upping the tempo to get people moving then slowing it down to make people more reflective is nothing more than emotional manipulation.

If you would stop for a moment and read and examine modern church music lyrics in light of scripture, then you would be appalled at how insufficient our knowledge of God is.

If our knowledge of God is at 1, then our worship of God can’t be at 7.

Shallow knowledge of God leads to a shallow worship of God.

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Most hymns were written by Pastors, and this would explain the theological depth in hymns. Hymns are nothing more than poetic sermons.

The one advantage of having theologically rich music is we learn and affirm Christian convictions as we sing.

Hymns also encourage congregational singing and nothing is as beautiful as hearing the voice of men, women and children rising up in heavenly praise.

To most, hymns are a thing of the past, but hymns might just be the solution to the emotional manipulation we call “praise and worship” in modern church music.

But if we can’t go back to hymns, lets at least make sure the music we sing is theologically sound and rooted in scripture.