I heard that she was getting married.

It broke my heart all over again, I was happy for her, I was not angry, I was not jealous, I was sad because I knew this time she would be gone for good.

We would not go silent and later just find a silly reason to start talking; she would be gone for good.

Some man had just acquired the right to touch her for years to come and that man was not me.

Time had passed, and that wound was supposed to have healed but with the news, memories of our young love flooded in.

I found a poem I had written for her, and I remember the look on her face because it was a silly poem about the possibility of sharing in her periods. It was silly alright, but she loved it.

Going through my books I found a note we had both signed promising not to get intimate before marriage and how often we failed.

We were all grown up but there was innocence to the note that revealed a childishness that was adorable.

There was some recklessness that spoke of how much we cared for each other, a thrill that matched the adventure of youth.

When we were together, there was no tomorrow and time was just a master that governed the loveless.

When we were together, the world was ours. There were endless conversations, endless laughter.

We would sit in restaurants playing cards till closing time and we still had the audacity to ask for a few more minutes to finish a game.

Love was like a fire, it warmed us and everyone around.

Now, it’s all about deals and compromises, promises and silly vows, endless conversations about the future and securities we should have to be happy.

I search for a love that burns hot and melts the superficiality.

I search for a love that makes me feel alive again.

I search for a love that will make me fly without wings again, a reckless love.

My heart will be restless until I rediscover my young love.

Editor: Aaron kihiu

To all insecure girls out there, you can’t spell ‘CELLULITE’ without ‘U LIT’

We all have had those moments in our lives when we don’t feel comfortable about how we look. I am no exception. Growing all chubby and bubbly was a great feel until I was old enough to know what the society thinks of beautiful.

You are beautiful. You feel trapped? There’s always a way out and that’s choosing the path that makes you happy. It’s good to stay at home but still good enough to get out there and enjoy life. Go to every occasion that crosses your way. Go for that date. Go get coffee with that BFF. Have the walks in the malls, share secrets and laugh, put on that dress you love so much. Rock your curves woman and when you all done go to that happy place you call home. Have a peaceful night because the series continues again tomorrow.

What do you see when you look yourself in the mirror? Do you allow beauty to start there or from your heart? Do you see what other people see or what your heart sees? Do you like what you see, if not put on those skinny jeans, do that hair, put your make up on and walk with all that confidence. Let them watch your fat ass take away their men though.

Stop making excuses. You didn’t eat that burger just because your roommate offered it. You chose to eat and it’s okay. Feed yourself healthy food and leave space for that one bite of burger.
You want to be like someone else. Your personality has lowered and your belief in yourself lowered. You’d rather stay home so no one can see you. You put on baggy clothes and no make-up so you don’t attract attention. You dress up for people not to look but nothing can hide. It’s too big not to be noticed.

You feel drained by a comment from a guy you politely turned down. What’s the worry? Weren’t you still big when he asked you out. Girl, so what if your boobs are big, you decide who gets to touch them, your hips wide and juicy but not everyone can ride, can they? If they can’t handle the pressure, please let them make room for a man who can. You want things to change but you feel helpless. You try to lose weight, to the extent of seeking a doctor’s help. Nothing seems to work. You don’t see any results. You look yourself in the mirror and wonder when did I become this BIG? You watch other people feel confident about being thick. You listen to songs inspiring you, making you feel good about your size. It doesn’t last, you give in to the idea that you’re not beautiful.

I am you. I see you and I see a fighting spirit in you. I see someone whose desire is to look and feel better about themselves. You don’t take time to take care of yourself. You deserve more than this. You deserve to be loved. You deserve happiness. It doesn’t matter how thick you are. You need to know that at any size you are, you are not alone in this. I am with you, cheering on. I want you to be happy. You are beautiful. You are a fighter. You are natural. You are a size sexy!