LIVED,LOVED,BROKEN

‘Babe I love you’

Of course you do, that’s why you’ll force me to broaden up, forcefully buy me C4 so I can widen up. The daily slideshows you plead with me to view, slideshows of plus size models on Instagram and the way you stare at those thick thighs during us moment. I felt comfortable with myself before you approached me. Were you blind not to notice that I wasn’t that insta plus size model? Wasn’t petite your type then? What really changed Sir?

‘Darling I worship you’

My heart aches , I need to switch my playlist from Bruno’s ‘just the way you are’ to Jussie Smollet’s ‘good enough’……’yes darling,I worship you’ but every time you open your mouth to speak, my tent is smiling on the outside but deep inside, you kill my ego ,my pride..keeping silent is much preferable, the choir pretty sucks.

‘Love,I care about you’

Ohh yes you do! Reason you’d wake me up so early to run errands, request me an uber to my final destination only to arrive to the locked doors of my home.The cold that always hit me brought me to terms with my value. Sometimes I feel empty from your absence but then expectations murder me. Those days are still stuck in my mind and yes, looks like you really cared.

‘Hun, I wanna spend my entire life with you’

I would love that because I loved you, but you chose a different path. You couldn’t contain your lust and that’s how she ended up pregnant.That would have been me. She’s all grown now, and a spitting image of you. So where does this leave me now?….’Hun I want to spend the rest of my life with you’……it was my biggest dream but now it all tastes like bitter cream.

‘l will always be here for you’

Of course, you’re always here. This is why I get the ‘can’t talk now am busy’ text after every call I make to reach you. I cannot tell my ”boyfriend” about my fears, how am crashing inside, how my day was, I’d want to him beyond how I know him. It hurts to listen to,”sorry the mobile subscriber….”I need to hear your voice. I need to feel secure but the thirst in me is always satisfied by the rivulets I shed.

‘I got you sweetheart’

You already got my nerves but not my sweet heart. I am nothing but an option to you.Could be, the movies I’ve watched are driving me crazy but then again I have been in love before,I know what it’s like when one says ‘I got you’. Things happen mutually and there’s a sense of belonging.This is my heart crying. The positive still stored in my book of memories.

‘My woman,My everything’

Lies ! lies ! lies! The rhyme directly points to major irony .You always chose everyone else over me. I was degraded in your dictionary. I had never been part of your plans. You shut doors on my face and still expected me to stay pretty.I was your night option meal. I am not looking back to smile about that.

‘I have fallen for you’

I suppose you’re a fallen angel who promised heaven on earth but fulfilled hell.One word to describe this feeling, disappointment. The violence I faced was just beyond. You turned into a demon and the fact that I couldn’t let go of you felt like death. The scars are still bleeding in my heart .How can life be this cruel? I fell for you cause it was all about you, what a narcissist?